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Glyn W. Humphreys
Archived from the original on 19 October Retrieved 27 June The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road!
I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them 18 Ralph Nader's a nswer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side. C February 14 - February If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months.
The iChicken. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful. That's the expletive deleted reason. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
D February 21 - February Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? The chicken crossed the road.
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This fact is rarely disputed. But why did the chicken cross the road? No fully satisfactory explanation has ever been given. At the fourth World-Chicken-Crossing-Conference, held in February at Henville, Teggsas, a team of distinguished scholars met to consider this matter in depth, but unfortunately no consensus was reached. Here follow twenty-five reasons given to explain the behaviour of the chicken. All the other chickens crossed the road and this one didn't want to appear different. Because it felt like it. Because it needed the exercise. Because it wished to avoid meeting the chicken it saw approaching.
Because that's what chickens do. God ordained from the time of Creation that this chicken should come into the world and should cross the road exactly when it did. Having spent days and nights searching its soul the chicken finally decided that it had to cross the road and did so. It all depends on what is meant by "chicken", "road" and "cross". It got bored.
Glyn W. Humphreys -
It had a death wish. It had already crossed the road times that day and wanted to make it It had always been intending to and finally decided today was the day. It saw the rooster on the other side and wanted to get laid. It wanted a change of scenery. It wanted to be famous. It wanted to catch the bus into town. It wanted to show it was not a chicken. It wanted to show it was a mean mother-fuckin' chicken. It was a very confused chicken. It was caught by a freak gust of wind. It was collecting experiences for its next book.
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It was part of a chicken conga line which happened to be crossing the road. It was trying out its new pair of roller blades on the asphalt. It was trying to find its roots. An American businessman goes into a restroom in Montreal. He screams, and comes out looking for the manager. The manager comes quickly and wants to know what the problem is.
American : "Look here! I turned on the cold water and got scalded! What's up with that? Q: How do bunnies stay healthy? A: Eggercise. Q: Why did the Easter egg hide? A: He was a little chicken! Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A: It's been nice gnawing at you. Q: What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? A: One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny! Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A: A hot cross bunny. Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain? A: An egghead.
Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards? A: A receding hareline. Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? A: They lived hoppily ever after! Q: What do you call a dumb bunny? Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny.
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Aig: What a hen lays. Aints: He's got aints in his paints. Paints: What cha put on your laigs of a mornin. Bag: He bagged her to marry him. Bobbed: A bobbed wire fence. Bub: The light bub burned out. Cheer: What you set in. Crick: A small stream Clum: He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon. Chiny: Country over in Asia.
Cyow: Animal on Farm. Deppity: He helps out the shurf. Dribbed: He dribbed milk on his shirt. Dainz: Satidy night social. Ellum: A graceful tree Fanger : What you put your rang on. Faince: Whats round the hawg lot. Far: What gets the brandin arn hot. Furred: He got furred from his job. Flar: A rose is a purdy flar. Frash: Them aigs ain't frash. Furiners: All non-'bamans. Grain: She was grain with envy. Hail: Where bad folks go.
Hern: It aint hern, it's his'n Hilbilly: People in the next county. Laymun: A sour fruit. Liberry: Where you go to check out books for larnin. Mailk: What you get from cyows. Mere: What you see your self in. Nar: Opposite of wide. Nayk: Your head sets on it. Orrel: Them hinges need orrel Ormy: What the sojers go in. Parch: Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow. Petition: What separates the rooms. Pokey: What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke.
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Salit: A green vegetable. Puppet: What the preacher is in. Purdy: She is purdy as a pitcher. Rah cheer : I was born rah cheer in town. Rainch: A big cyow farm. Rat: Do it rat now! Roont: She plum roont her shoes. Salary: A stringy vegetable. Soardeens: Small canned fish. Shar: A light rain. Toad strangler: A heavy rain Sody. Sprang: Water out'n the ground. Shurf: The Shurf put Clem in jail. Yes sir, it's the fly's day off. So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard? No sir, I've always walked like this.
Yes sir, that's because it was only ground this morning. I'll tell him to hop it. Looks like the breast-stroke to me, sir. That's right, sir. Two chips and a pea. Buzz off, can't you see I'm busy? Are you choking? No, I really did! Didn't I see you yesterday? I'll deal with you later. One at a time, please. I never make rash promises! A: Squash 2 Q: Why did the elephant cross the road? A: Free Parking. A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel. A: Take away his credit card. When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.